A note about comments. I love them, because I love hearing from you. Also, I just switched over my commenting to a new system. Older post comments might not be in the correct order, which means my replies are all jacked up. But I like the new system so whatever.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

You don't know love until you've spanked a butter cow

I received a letter from the Iowa State Fair Blue Ribbon Foundation. Gripping the envelope in my teeth, because my hands were full of crap I'd been meaning to bring in from the car for eons, I ran up the stairs and into my home where I ceremoniously dumped my crap so that I could properly admire my new mail.

I knew precisely what the envelope held. I was just certain it was a personal invitation to attend the Iowa State Fair, and a special request to take part in the ever so important carving, no sculpting, of the butter cow.

Perhaps I should explain. The butter cow is a cow made of butter, the size of a cow.

If you thought it was anything different we should talk because you fascinate me.

I was recently at the Iowa State Fair grounds for the Corndog Kickoff (yeehaw!) with friends. We ate everything fried and sugared and dipped in chocolate. It hurt so good. While admiring the silent auction items we couldn't help but be drawn to the opportunity to help carve the tail of the famous butter cow.

I dream of that cow, so deliciously creamy. I want to rub an ear of sweet corn down its back. I want to scoop a bit of its soft buttery goodness onto a delicious homemade biscuit. (Shut up, don't judge me.)

But alas, the bids quickly grew, and my butter cow was soon outside my reach. How much can one justify spending so they can carve the tail of a butter cow? What is it worth to have a go at that tail?

So I quietly walked away and stuffed my face with a corndog, snowcone, and cotton candy to ease my sadness.

This letter in the mail simply had to be the excellent news that the winning bid on that tail carving was unable to fulfill their carving duties, and that I, being the butter lover that I am, had been personally chosen to stand in for this momentous occasion. 

I carefully opened the envelope, extracted the letter, and began to read. At the end, I gently set it down on the counter and sobbed. Sadly, it was a simple thank you note for my donation to the Iowa State Fair Blue Ribbon Foundation. There will be no butter cow tail for me this year. 

If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen smashing sticks of butter together so I can carve my own miniature butter cow. And then spread it on my toast.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Usually I'm the kidnapper

As I mentioned forever ago, a friend kidnapped me a few weeks back and we headed out to Galena, IL. It's a sleepy little town on the IL/IA border. She wanted to see the hot air balloon races, and figured I could use some adventure. (She was right.)

The morning races were called off due to impending rain. So we found a bakery to grab a quick breakfast, then headed across to Iowa in search of the Field of Dreams. It was a dream come true for me. She on the other hand had never seen the movie. OH THE HUMANITY.

Heading back to Galena, we got stuck in traffic as a parade of Harleys thundered by. Of course we made friends with the locals to find out what the hell was going on. Apparently we had stumbled upon a bike trek across Iowa that occurs every year. Hundreds of riders head out on the open road, and all the families in the quiet little towns come out to see the custom bikes ride by.

Arriving back in IL, we had just missed the rain so we decided to see if the Alpine Slide was open. It's a several hundred foot race track that you hurl yourself down on a sled. IT WAS AWESOME. I won't throw myself out of a plane, but I'll totally hurl myself down a steep winding hill.

The rain started back up, so we slipped into the local distillery for a moonshine or two. Either the wait staff is the friendliest in town, or our drinks were strong. (Both.)

After a quick dinner in town, we trekked out to the open fields for the night balloon races. And that's where I crossed off another item on the bucket list. They had tethered balloon rides, so of course we jumped into line right away. We were only in the air for about a minute, but if felt like forever up there in the sky. It was beautiful to be above the tree line. Now I'm ready to take a real ride in a balloon!

Sometimes a 24 hour adventure is what you need. Even if it means getting kidnapped by your friends to pull it off. (That's what friends are for after all.)

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