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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Parenting FAIL

As the east coast prepares itself for Hurricane Irene I can't help but reminisce over surviving Hurricane Hugo as a wee one living in Charleston, SC in 1989. And as I recall the events of that hurricane, I realize how much my parents deserved a FAIL in responsible parenting.

Here's what NOT to do when preparing for a hurricane:

  • Don't take your kid to the movies with her new "boyfriend" five hours before the hurricane is scheduled to hit land. (I was 10, we never even kissed, but he was so totally my first boyfriend)
  • Don't take your kid to the beach two hours before the hurricane is scheduled to hit land to watch the waves roll in.
  • Don't leave your kid alone in the hour the hurricane is scheduled to hit land so you can make sure you have enough cigarettes and booze to get you through the big storm.
  • Don't tell your kid scary stories at the window while pointing out flying objects in the wind. (Dorothy, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore)
  • Don't let your kid stand in the eye of the hurricane (umm, yeah, they totally let me do that. It was eerily beautiful, but DO NOT EVER DO THAT)
  • Don't let your kid stay up late to watch the storm brewing outside. Also, don't point out all the tornados within the hurricane (7 of them went by our place, 13 total in Hugo) that are causing additional damage.
  • Don't wake your kid up early the next day to go exploring all the damage.
  • Don't let your kid pick up roof shingles with nails in them to help clean up efforts. (I was 10 at the time)
  • Don't feed your kid Poor Boy Soup (consisting of water, hot dogs, rice, and whatever else is on hand) for 16 days without electricity because you forgot to stock up on things that can be cooked on a grill.
  • Don't let your kid bathe in rain water from the hurricane because you forgot to stock up on water too.
  • Don't let your kid run around barefoot after the hurricane. You have no idea how much debris is out there! For realsies.
  • DO get a t-shirt for your kid declaring I Survived the Hurricane!

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