Dear Flight Attendant Andrew on Delta flight 5354,
I'm sorry that I may have been a wee bit inappropriate with you in the 45 minutes it took to fly from Detroit to Chicago. I wish I could say it was the abundance of captain and cokes from the Irish Pub in terminal B. But let's be honest with ourselves here, and admit that those drinks were just the liquid lubricant to my already filthy mind.
I'm sorry I tried to smell your hair when you bent down to pick up the cup I dropped. I can't help it if you smell all sweet like jelly beans. It's not your fault that jelly beans are my weakness. They make my mouth all watery with delight. I just wanted to breathe you in just a little.
I'm sorry I stared into your beautiful blue eyes for eleventy seconds too long and made you feel all naked like I was undressing you in my mind. I totally was, and you were totally ripped under that Delta blue jacket and dress shirt. I don't know if you are in real life, but let's just say for my sake that you are.
I'm sorry if I let my hand slip into the aisle when you walked by so that it brushed your pants leg just a little. But in my defense that might have actually been an accident. Or not. I may have played it off as waving to someone down the aisle, but I have a feeling you know I was going for a feel. That's my bad.
I can't help it if you're adorable like a shaggy haired Zachary Levi look alike. But that doesn't excuse me from walking past you on the way off the plane and whispering "bye, I'll miss you". I know this, but I just couldn't stop myself.
My sincerest apologies,
Brunette Girl From Seat 11C
This post is a make-up post for The Jenny because she said my Shamelessness post about sex was a copout. And I was all "I'm fucking busy, what do you want from me" and she was all "Suck it up, life is hard" and then I was "Ok fine, I'll write about the flight attendant who hates me for trying to get in his pants" and she was "well at least they didn't have to divert the plane just to kick you off" and I was like "yeah". You're welcome.
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