A note about comments. I love them, because I love hearing from you. Also, I just switched over my commenting to a new system. Older post comments might not be in the correct order, which means my replies are all jacked up. But I like the new system so whatever.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Friday Fluff

Hey ever’body. It’s Friday Fluff time! Grab a snuggie and hunker down with me. It’s about to get awesome in here. I should warn you. I’m feeling frisky. Or feisty. Or both. You tell me. You know the drill. We take a quiz written online by teenagers found here, and we link up where it all began at Seeking Elevation. Have fun!

In a elavator would you tap someone on the shoulder and pertend it was not you?

First off, who taught you to spell? This is important so that when I have children I’m sure to not send them to your school. I want my kids to have a chance in life. 

What is your pet name?

My pet name? Like what am I called in bed when snuggling up after the sex? Why would I tell you that? You have to earn the right to call me that (by giving me the sex).

Do you shower daily?

Do you? I’m guessing by your lack of spelling capabilities that you are a teenage thug who wears your pants around your ankles and pairs it with an oversized hoodie. Now, I might be jumping to conclusions and if I’m being offensive forgive me. I assure you that I have nothing against wearing hoodies as I sport them often. But I prefer my hoodies didn’t smell rank, so yes I do shower daily. 

Have you given anyone a patriotic wedgey?

What the fuck is a patriotic wedgey? Is that another word for a handjob? Because I can think of much better terms to use. Crank yanking. Boat tugging. Toy winding. Even lever pulling would be better. Think it through next time. 

How old is your mom?

Too old for you pervert.

If you had the chance to stick a bunch of cherry bombs in a toilet, would you?

If I’m sticking something down a toilet, it’s going to be evidence. Not cherry bombs.

How woulds you like to die?

I’m sorry but woulds is not a word. I can’t work under these conditions. I’m off to drink a gallon of wine just so I can finish this quiz. Perhaps I’ll die of alcohol poisoning. 

Have you been run over in the last year?

Run over by what? An overwhelming sense of responsibility to teach the youth of today how to spell everyday words just so they can serve me a butterfinger blizzard? Yeah, I guess so.

If not, would you like to be?

Oh sweet jezuz, are you going through a goth phase? 

What was your hottest teachers name?

Hot guy.

Do you whish you could fly?

I don’t whish I could do anything dumbass. I WISH you knew how to spell.

How long do you have to live?

Every last day until I don’t. (How very Sartre of me.) (It’s totally the wine talking now.)

Where is you favorite place to hide?

Dude. If I told you that I couldn’t hide there anymore. Because I would go there to hide, and you’d already be there, and then we’d have this awkward moment where I’d be all “dude, this is my favorite place to hide” and you’d be all “I know, but it seemed like such a great place I just had to check it out” and then we’d have to fight it out lightsaber style. See what you did there? You made me talk in run-on sentence. 

Also, you left out the R jackhole.

When was the last time you played tag?

Sober? It’s been years. Drunk? The last time I had the sex. Probably.

What is your favorite quote?

Let it be known that I am an ass. 

Who would you like to kiss?

Why, are you available?

What color would you change the sky to be if you could?

Not blue. Apparently.

What did you last eat?

Does wine count? No? Ok, let me think then. It was probably cheese. Or maybe jelly beans. It is the middle of the night as I’m filling this out, and I tend to snack on some weird stuff when I can’t sleep. Usually of the candy variety. Or olives. I do love olives. 

What would you like to have as your last supper?

Holy shit, am I gonna die tonight? Do you know something? WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

If you could ask god anything, what would it be?

What would you call a handjob? Besides crank yanking. 

8 comments:

  1. Which god are you talking to? The Christian one seems sort of bipolar on the naughty areas, maybe one of the Hindi kama-sutra supporting ones would have better answers. Also wow, these kids can't be bothered with spell check it would slow down their stream of deep, deep questions.

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  2. OMG I love olives too! They are delicious. What kind do you like best?

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  3. Olives soaking in my vodka tonic are my favorite. Seriously though, I love the giant green ones and kalamata. Green with pimento is good too. I don't think I've had an olive I didn't like. Yet.

    Also, the spell check is horrible on the quizes, and that almost makes them more fun. (Is quizes a word? Spelled correctly? How ironic would that be right now?)

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  4. You win at the internet for not only using the word handjob, but FOUR other euphemisms. Fucking awesome.

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  5. holy bejaysus I think I just spit soda out of my nose. thank you, i needed that laugh.

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  6. I aim to please. Not really. I just have no filter. Especially when I'm drinking late at night, with insomnia, and I'm bored. Can you believe I write this shit at the same time as resource pages for the Band? Talk about your opposite ends of the spectrum. Someone once told me I belong on a stage. They never clarified if they meant comedy stage, or stripper pole stage. Get enough drinks in me I'll combine the two. :)

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  7. Intentionally comedic strippers, there could be a market for that. I think you might be over qualified.

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