After enjoying a delicious beef tenderloin I loudly declared "I never thought I could enjoy meat that bleeds but that was tasty"
I tried to win a $200 bottle of bourbon and a Blackhawks hockey stick in the silent auction because "they totes go together you guys!"
"If we get Dawn drunk enough I think she'll buy the Paris trip and invite us all"
Husband: What are those little rooms for?
Wife: I think those are phone rooms.
Me: Those are sex booths.
"Excuse me miss. You can't take that champagne glass out of the room."
Chug chug chug.
"Miss, would you like white or red wine?"
"Dawn, do you have two glasses of wine and champagne?"
"I like variety."
I MAY have hugged my dinner plate for warmth. It was freakishly cold at the Ritz, and the plate was delivered toasty warm. The waiter MAY have had to ask me to put the plate down so he could serve me. At least I didn't put it up my skirt. Right?
PS. Last night's charity event for Special Olympics was rockin'. I did not get kicked out. I did not win the bourbon OR the hockey stick. I did win a kickin' gift for my nephew, but I can't tell you what it is. He might be only one year old, but maybe he's a savant and I don't want to ruin the surprise. So instead I'll leave you with this extreme close up to enjoy.
PPS. You should all be grateful that I did not try to win the Hip Hop DJ for a day package. Because I would totes make you all listen to me if I had won.
PPPS. I have a stabby wound at the base of my left thumb, and I think there's something embedded in it. I have no idea how that happened (cough, wine, cough) but it hurts like a mo'fo'.