1. It doesn't matter how small the dance floor is, because we'll cram every damn person on there anyway.
2. You can sit on a vent, and no one will question your intentions if you're wearing a wedding dress.
3. If you disappear for 10 minutes, all of your friends will assume you're wandering the streets drunk and go looking for you. (That's love y'all. But I was just in the hallway.)
4. My conservative dress is not that conservative. The girls, they cannot be contained.
5. You get labeled the trouble maker if you arrange to dance with the bride while your male friend dances with the groom during the dollar dance. (What? We like to mix shit up!)
6. It is possible to spend 48 hours in Wisconsin without eating any cheese. Sad, but possible.
7. If I get my nails done for a wedding, I will immediately put my hand in my hair and smear a nail. Immediately.
8. It's perfectly acceptable to dance with married men at a wedding as long as you dance with their wives too.
9. DJs are like starbucks baristas. You can request all you want, but they'll do whatever the fuck they want anyway. Because they're assholes.
10. If you tell the bride she looks hot, she'll lift her skirt for you. (To show you all the layers of dress you pervs.)
Gas in the car? Check. Ridiculous amount of snacks you purchased when hungry? Check. Endless hours of music? Check. Fedora so yo...
I spilled an entire cup of coffee on my couch this morning. As I stared at the sure to be stain that probably won't remove in its entire...
Here's the thing. I've never done drugs. When I was a teenager I didn't see the appeal of it to be quite honest. But when I was ...
This is the dog my sister tries to sneak into my car when I leave. Because this dog steals snacks from children. Literally takes ca...