Yo. Changes are coming soon to the blog. So if you notice things missing or moving around, it's probably on purpose. Just sayin'. xo (10-1-14)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Things I learned at the Wisconsin Wedding:

1. It doesn't matter how small the dance floor is, because we'll cram every damn person on there anyway.

2. You can sit on a vent, and no one will question your intentions if you're wearing a wedding dress.

3. If you disappear for 10 minutes, all of your friends will assume you're wandering the streets drunk and go looking for you. (That's love y'all. But I was just in the hallway.)

4. My conservative dress is not that conservative. The girls, they cannot be contained.

5. You get labeled the trouble maker if you arrange to dance with the bride while your male friend dances with the groom during the dollar dance. (What? We like to mix shit up!)

6. It is possible to spend 48 hours in Wisconsin without eating any cheese. Sad, but possible.

7. If I get my nails done for a wedding, I will immediately put my hand in my hair and smear a nail. Immediately.

8. It's perfectly acceptable to dance with married men at a wedding as long as you dance with their wives too.

9. DJs are like starbucks baristas. You can request all you want, but they'll do whatever the fuck they want anyway. Because they're assholes.

10. If you tell the bride she looks hot, she'll lift her skirt for you. (To show you all the layers of dress you pervs.)


  1. Hmm...so that means I should always wear a wedding dress so that I can sit on vents? Okay then. I'll do it.

    1. That is EXACTLY what that means.

  2. That post actually makes me want to go to a wedding.

  3. congrats to you and the girls

  4. dude, comparing DJs to baristas is brilliance!

  5. Anytime I get a chance to sit on a vent, I'm doing it regardless of my apparel at the moment.

  6. I like weddings.

    I like cheese, too.

    You clearly need to eat more cheese.

  7. This was hilarious. And I can't agree with number 9 more. Just yesterday I order a venti Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino but had to settle for a mocha coconut because they were out of "crumbles." The barista made me a grande of the drink I didn't really want in the first place and then argued with me that it was what I ordered. After she checked my receipt and saw that she did charge me for the venti, without even asking how I wanted it handled, she went to the register and handed me $.70 in change. So, I left with a flavor AND size that I didn't want. Awesome.

    1. OMG, finally someone who understands! Also, how dare they be out of cookie crumble. That has to be illegal in at least five countries. Right? If the barista isn't hot, that behavior is just bullshit. (It's still bullshit when they are hot, but at least they're eye candy to make up for some of it.)


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